MEG ARTICLE: Try and try until you die!
I like writing. Sa daldal kong toh, kahit anong venue basta makachika! haha! :) Usually i get special writing jobs for magazines, internet chuchus or newspaper. So aliw :)
Check out my article out for MEG this month! Please grab a copy for the photos chenes and cute issue about ERICH dispelling attitude problems :) so gow!
paki deadma yung mga wrong spelling… d ko makita yung file ng final edit. haha!
“Try and try until you die,” was what I always wrote in those slumbooks’ favorite motto way back in grade school. I guess it was just me trying to be funny, or trying to be cool. But that was the usual statement I would write. Now 20 years later, I never really thought how this trying to be cool statement could actually affect me and even be a defining statement of what my life is now.
When Bianca messaged me about this article, I was extremely excited. I enjoy writing for print. I like stepping out of my comfort zone ie: blog (MY BECKY SPEAK blog) So I took on the challenge. But the next text made me a little bit more hesitant, she wanted me to write about my climb/experiences to where I am now. I love success stories don’t get me wrong, but honestly, I think it’s about time that my failures get the same airtime as my mini victories in life. So I pitched the idea to Bianca and thank God she agreed and was even enthusiastic about it.
So here we go, ladies and gentlemen let me present some my biggest failures in life.
I wanted to travel the world, live in a foreign country, speak another language in addition to Tagalog and English, be a Victoria’s secret angel, run a multinational company, and marry a prince. Now before you react, please read my story J
I always knew I was mediocre. . I was tall, but not the tallest; I was doing pretty well to be in the honor roll but never the top, and I was likeable because I was funny and entertaining but never because of beauty or grace. Honestly, I can’t complain. Mediocre is fine. It wasn’t such a hard high school life. But of course, like any high school student, I started comparing myself. I started comparing myself to my gorgeous classmates who had billboards, covers and commercials all over Manila. I compared myself to my well traveled high school classmates who spoke at least 4 languages. Yes, people… there is such thing- well traveled high school kids. Brent being an international school, I had a lot of classmates with foreign parents- so they would get to visit dad’s family in Switzerland, Mom’s family in France and Uncle’s villa in Italy. They’ve been to all these gorgeous places when the only Italian place I frequented was SBARRO (that summed up was my idea of an authentic Italian restaurant) So I asked my dad to bring me to China to see our relatives but he said we had none there or maybe some but.. he doesn’t know them. I then, bugged my mom to find out about our Spanish heritage but she said the only Spanish thing we have left is her last name MONTANO which is not even so Spanish since I never really heard it in any Spanish teleserye. But I’m not one to give up easily, I made a dream book. I researched about the places and promised myself that I would marry a prince (no kidding).
Right before college, the self -comparison got the best of me. I always wanted the same things my classmates had- my jansport bag always looked a bit sad compared to their vuittons and prada schoolbags. I knew asking for an allowance increase was out of the question (though not undeserved) so I decided to earn a bit as a model. Again, it was pretty mediocre. Work was good, but not great. I thought that maybe Manila was not for me since I still had my focus on becoming a Victoria’s Secret Angel. So I decided, at the age of 17 to try my luck in Hong Kong. It was a tough decision because my mom refused to allow me to go and my dad being the traditional Chinese that he is thought it was a crazy idea. But I really believed that I would make it. So after my show in Hong Kong for Robby Carmona, I stayed behind. Because of this decision my parents decided to cut the financial umbilical cord and just to keep my parents from deporting me, we compromised that I would come home and finish college. Thankfully, it was summer vacation so I was able to stay and try my luck there. I worked hard as a model, though I was able to book jobs it was still not enough for me to stay there. I needed a plan b. So what I did was buy and sell items from Mango, Zara and Morgan (which was very in, yet unavailable in Manila at the time) to my classmates. Business became better and eventually my buy and sell gig was earning more than my modeling. I expanded my “business” to cell phones and started selling those and accessories. In other words my supermodeling dream had failed, but thank God for my mini business, I survived living in another country.
Upon coming back, I kept my mobile phone sideline and would frequent my father’s office to sell to his staff. Since I had to be savvy to compete with the greenhills stalls, I offered my products with installment plans. I was in the office almost weekly to sell and collect that my dad wanted to kick me out. He told me, since you keep coming to bug us during business hours to sell your cellphones, why don’t you try selling for the company. When he said that, I got a bit excited, I started dreaming about my floor to ceiling glass office and my secretary who would take note of all my appointments. My first day was nothing further from what I had imagined. It was in the middle of the mall, in a booth, handing out flyers. Yes, I was one of those people handing out flyers. I worked as an agent. I did my job without pay, because as an agent, you only get paid when you close a deal. So daily, I would go and hand out flyers. Luckily I was talkative enough, so I was able to close some deals. Our booth also became a TAMBAYAN since my classmates would come by to visit me, and eventually they were closing deals under my guidance. Then I was promoted to a broker. I refused to work for my dad (maybe because in the back of my mind, I knew he would never give me my glass office) so I started a brokerage group with my friends, and started traveling to establish networks abroad for our brokerage. We became friends with a lot of our clients who ended up getting our referrals for interior design. And since we have a lot of OFW clients, they wanted us to oversee the whole construction. Fortunately, my best friend was taking up architecture so we opened another division of our business – construction. I know it sounds such a big thing but that’s just how I want it to sound. Haha! Actually, our office was in my one bedroom condo unit, we had no secretary, no drivers or messengers. We started with simple painting jobs and renovations and eventually we became big enough to start bidding for small projects.
While all of these things were happening, I really started to miss fashion. Heck, I even missed going to the mall. Since our sites are always in far areas, I would come home pretty late and malls would be closed at that time. So to feed my appetite for fashion, I got a sewer to attend to my “needs”. I would print things from the net and have the sewer put it together. The problem came when manang was so efficient and was finishing 6 designs per day! I don’t need 6 outfit changes in a day! I knew I wanted to keep her, yet I have to find a plan to make if feasible for me. That’s how Luca started. I shared a space with my friend so that we can start selling manang’s production. Thankfully, Luca grew and David Milan came in to help me manage. Luca is now being fully managed my David and another partner, Fayinna Zaragoza. I am merely a silent partner now. After they came in, I had extra time to work with young designers. With a bit of background in retail from Luca, I helped Kermit Tesoro with his business model and website. On our first day, we got about 20 international orders from the website! All on the first day on website operations! Today, we are already distributing to a lot fo internet stores and shops all over the world.
While all of this was happening, I still had dreams of being on a cover, in commercials, on billboards. Just like my classmates in highschool. I tried my best while modeling but the best would always be a support role that if you blink you’d run the risk of missing my grand debut. I eventually gave up and stopped comparing myself. I focused on doing things I love and improving to be the best version of myself. Instead of moping about my insecurities, I started thinking of ways to fix it. I learned to do makeup thru youtube. I would hang out in photoshoots and bug hairstylists to teach me how to do my own hair. And I started fighting for things I truly believed in regardless of what others may say. A good friend of mine told me that maybe it’s time for people to start seeing this side of me and urged me to start blogging. I was kind of lost at first until she told me to blog as if I was just talking to her. And it worked!
So after years of trying to be that girl they were looking for, I just started being me. And you know what, they liked me even better than that girl I thought they were looking for. J
If you look back at my wishlist or dreamlist… I am a big failure. Maybe 20 years ago, I would think just that. But after I started seeing myself differently, I also started seeing the list differently.
I wanted to travel the world and I did. It may be for work but I was able to see all those gorgeous places while doing something that I loved. I wanted to live in a foreign country and I did. Maybe I was not such a successful model in Hong Kong but the hardships pushed me to discover that I was actually better at something else. I wanted to speak another language, and I do! Maybe it’s not my first choice of French or Italian but I know Beckimese, something that my blog is full of. And It’s never not too late to learn French and/or Italian anyway. I wanted be a Victoria’s secret angel -someone calls me “angel” in a way. You see, part of what I believe in and what I fight for is our charity Childhaus. When you do visit, you will see a big sign with names of all of their guardian angels. I may not be Victoria’s secret angel but I would I am one of childhaus’ and that means more to me. I wanted to run a multinational company, and I do. It might be small but Luca, my brokerage and Kermit Tesoro are all active globally. Thanks to the internet. And I wanted to marry a Prince, but why settle for a Prince when I already have someone who treats me like a Queen. And honestly, I was crowned without a Prince… I’m very proud to be QUEEN BECKY for my LGBT friends.
So when you see a glammed up version of me in a shoot or fashion spread. Remember to never to give up. Because underneath those clothes, makeup and curly hair is already a layer of thick warpaint of life’s struggle. Remember guys, when someone say that you’re TRYING HARD it just means that you’re consciously making an effort and there’s never any shame in that. Use this as a reminder to TRY HARDER J So if ever anyone makes me sign a slambook again, I would gladly sign TRY AND TRY UNTIL YOU DIE.
So there becklings, ayan na! GO LANG! SUPPORTADO ko kayo sa pagiging trying hard :) Just means you need to try harder :)
My fluffy little baby: OREO
19 years ago, I was still in school I got the coolest gift ever. Well, gift for myself. I got a dog! I always wanted my own one, we had a couple in the house but d akin yun so medyo deadma ako.
I wanted a show dog! One with long hair so I can put ribbons and pretty dresses. I still remember the day when I went to the breeder. I wanted a black and white one! Yung walang bahid na brown kasi bet ko ang color blocking na vivid. haha! kidding aside, i really wanted a pure black and white one. So during my search for the perfect pup, i found one! The best black and white pup in the litter. Unfortunately, ayaw benta kasi chaka daw. No joke, that’s what the breeder said. He’s a runt and they don’t feel comfortable selling him to me (bagets pa ako so sabi nila iiyakan ko kung mamatay sya). But as a hair fanatic, i loved his hair and insisted to get the pure black and white dog. They allowed me to take him home and just pay for the shots and doctor. So in short, parang libre na.
When I got home, i was a bit disappointed. Oreo could not walk and chaka ng ipin so i had to mash his food so he could eat. Most dogs walk in a few days/weeks depending on the breed, but Oreo took 6 months. Inavail nya talaga. He wasn’t the pretty dog i expected him to be, naglagas pa yung buhok. But kahit chumachaka sya… super lambing naman so it made up for everything. For his frist day to 6th months old, i had to feed him by hand. SO bad owner na kung bad, mahilig sya sa table food kasi sinasabay ko. And he’s sanay to stay home lang kasi nga hindi sya marunong maglakad. He started moving first by “swimming” on the floor then eventually nakalakad din and started eating on his own.
By the 2nd year, bongga na sya. Yung nalagas na buhok gumanda na and i was able to put ribbons na on him. He was always there for me. I know na paguwi ko, there’s someone super excited to see me. Kahit 10 minutes lang ako nawala, the minute i walk in the door akala mo tumama sya ng bingo sa talon.
When i was in college, sinabay nya rin yung body clock nya. Every morning, we would be by the door waiting kasi kasama sya sa pagalis ko. Alam na nya yun. When I finally got my own place, i got busy :( I would still play with him but not as much na. May room na ako, before kasi one bedroom lang house ko so he would sleep with me. Minassacre nya rin kaya yung carpet so sa new house may area nalang sya.
But kahit d ko na sya pinapansin as much, never syang nagbago. Still excited to see me. No fail yan. Kung isususlat ko lahat ng ginawa namin together, kukulangin ang blog na toh.
Last year, he got sick and I really thought it was time. Doctor spoke to me na to get ready and all but of course hindi ko kaya. I begged and prayed to keep him well and he bounced back. V got me liempo. He said he wanted me to be ok if ever Oreo needs to go to doggy heaven na. Syempre, hindi ko sineryoso. Liempo surprisingly became Oreo’s bestie kahit may isa pa akong dog. Para syang big kuya, to the point na si Oreo yung pinagaagawan ni Liempo and Coco. They made a good team :) Super cute relationship.
Last December, Oreo got sick again. More like he’s weak na. 19 years old na sya which is rare for a shih tzu. But kahit poor hearing, blind and no more teeth, super excited parin yan whenever he would see me. So when he got sick, i begged him.. wag naman paabutin mo naman sa birthday ko. He got better. All the way til my birthday. All the way til I got home from Bali.
Last week, manang said Oreo won’t eat na talaga. So bumalik kami sa day one nya. When we had to mash his food and spoon feed him. He was just sleeping narin. And obvious na pagod na sya. He’s not sick though, just old.
Monday was becky nights day. I had that urge to just carry him around the whole day. Tahimik lang sya, but everytime i would call his name, he would try to react kahit mahina na pandinig nya. He would breath hard and try to move. I was crying na, niloloko na ako nila Jake or maybe they were trying to cheer me up. I knew it was time to let him go. I brought him to the room and talked to him. I told Oreo that he can go. Bilin nya na kay Liempo and Coco lahat. Keri na nila yun. Make sure to bilin coz i would need his love when he’s gone and sana naturuan nya yung dalawang bagets.
Today, Oreo left for doggie heaven. I feel bad. Im still crying buckets but in a way not as famas as i would expect. He prepared me. Up to the end pinagbigyan nya ako. Pati birthday ko. So parang unfair na if I hold him here longer. When the doctor said that Oreo or Owyo is gone na. I dropped my meeting and rushed there. I made sure he was clean and brushed nicely, fixed his cremation and waited for them to pick him up. The end na pala talaga yun.
My heart is crying, my eyes are swollen but I guess I’m ok. Masyado nya naman pinakita gaano ako kalakas sa kanya. Pinagbigyan nya ako paulit ulit. He lasted 19 years.
God works in mysterious ways. The other day, my lappy storage disk became full. Ang kulet ko sa twitter how to upgrade. Hindi naman sya sira, in short wala naman sakit. But i had to let go of some files. Finally, after resisting for years, i transferred some files to an external drive. I let go. Parang funny na ginawang sign for me yun.
Oreo’s not sick, parang full lang ang storage or life span nya. Sinulit nya. So he has to go na talaga. And mommy just needs to accept. Like how i accepted the extrenal drive.
Looking back, pagyayabang ko na Oreo is the pinakamabait na doggie in the whole galaxy. Walang cocontra. That’s it. He gave me joy na hindi ko mabibilang or maquantify so sana talaga nabilin nya ng bongga sa dalawa. Malakas naman ako sa kanya and he never failed me so I’m quite sure he did. Tama nga yung breeder when I first got him, IIYAK LANG AKO PAGNAWALA SYA. OO, but these tears are nothing compared to the joy he gave me. SO keri lang kahit umiyak pa ako bukas, next week or everytime I think of him.
Sa lungkot ko i started searching the net for doggie after life. And i found the RAINBOW BRIDGE. Here it is.
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together….
Crayola na naman ako. But medyo nakangiti na. Because it allowed me to visualize Oreo well and happy. And naisip ko na hanggang dun, excited parin sya makita ako :) And in a way, parang push narin yan na magpakabait ako para sure sa heaven ang bagsak so on my way makikita at sasalubungin ko sya.
Oreo, kahit minsan ang baho mo talaga. Ikaw na. I love you so much. When i finally have my own kids, i wished na magka-oreo sila. A pet who would maximize his life para may kasama silang lumaki. Enjoy ka muna dyan sa Rainbow bridge and wait for me :) Make sure they put BLUE RIBBONS. Sabihin mo bet ko lang nakaribbon ka but lalake ka talaga. Or becky siguro. D mo na chika sakin :)
Sorry for the super long post. It’s 3.30am and I’m still crying. Keri na toh. Baka may wifi si Oreo dun, mabasa nya sana. Thank you for the 19 years.
Love you OREO :)
STAND UP! SAY SOMETHING!
Hurts to see people not doing anything. Standing and not saying anything is as about the same as that actress lashing out on the bagger. This made me cry and made me mad.
Guys, speak up. Alam ko naman in you heart na d nyo keri. But let you voice be heard. Minsan ang pinoy mahiyain magsalita. But when someone is getting hurt. Speak up. Be that catalyst for change.
In the end, what we don’t say actually says a lot about us. You don’t need a mensa IQ to know what’s right and wrong. I’m sure at one point we are all guilty for standing on the sidelines and allowing things to happen. But I really hope that this video reminds us that our voice is powerful. We should stand up.
Equal rights for everyone.
The year that was and the year(s) to come!
I started this blog January… wow isipin nyo nga naman tumagal tayo! haha! Naks, hindi na tayo fling! haha!
So every new year, we hear a lot of New Year’s Resolution and a lot of broken resolutions too. I guess, I don’t really like doing NY’s resolutions because I feel like I always “forget” what they are.
Instead, i like doing dream books. The end of the year is a nice start for anyone’s dream book or board. Some people like to do it on paper ala scrapbook. Some naman ala notes type while some are really more techy. I have another blog that is my dream book but syempre private yun. Ako lang nakakakita. I used tumblr kasi it’s easy to repost chenes.
This blog is medyo present and past, anong ganap and anong naganap. But i get my strength to work harder for goals from that dream blog that i have. I categorized my goals into small, MEDYO, and bongga (creative ko talaga!) Minsan talaga we have to right it para clear ang direction natin. Kung baga goal map.
I really encourage everyone to make one. It’s nice to have goals d ba? And it’s nice to see little victories even if tayo lang nakakaalam (yes, isama mo na dyan yung kinuha ng crush mo yun bbm pin mo at 10x an hour mo chinecheck yung bbm status nya). And sometimes, I even laugh at my “dream” articles. Deadma na, ako lang naman nakakabasa noh. And in the end, you feel good that you accomplished something. Most of the things I write nakakagulat na eventually you accomplished or if hindi naman, hindi mo pala sya ganun ka bet. So in a way it’s a nice way of tracking how you feel and paano kayo nagmamature as a person.
When my parents cut me off and just decided na pagaaralin lang ako but kailangan matuto ako kumita on my own. My major goal was to buy a place for myself. Ilang taon din yung paulit-ulit na nakalagay sa dreamlist but eventually I was able to buy. It’s nice to see how kahit year by year… nacarry forward lang sya at hindi ko parin sya maachieve, i didn’t stop and the book reminded me a lot. Eventually I did din. Yung lang nga paiba iba na yung peg na gusto ko (yes, may point pa ako na halos mukhang roman empire yung gusto kong look ng pad ko). For me it’s nice to look back at the stuff i wrote (yes, journal pa yun d ako marunong mag vlag nun) and relive the feeling ng excited ako at paulit ulit akong tumitingin ng units na d ko naman afford.
So bago ako mawala sa paguusap, this blog really became a venue for me. To share the stuff i encounter everyday, the stuff i feel, the laughter we share together. So i decided that i want you guys to be part of one of my dreamlist (malay nyo pareho tayong dream). I really want to buy kasi a house in the future. But since ngayon hindi pa, I am starting with a section on house hunting, DIY projects and mga chever na ganun. I want you guys to be part of this dream with me, and sana soon enough ma-achieve ko din. Inspire me ha :) Perfect narin tong section na toh since I am doing Extreme makeover too, masisight nyo yung mga tidbits and projects na pinaggagawa ko.
So enough about me and my dreamlist. Balik tayo sa ganap nyo. Start your dream blog, board or notebook. Promise, peksman. Bongga sya. And i hope we all accomplish our dream list sabay sabay.
So first on the agenda… My christmas tree… (lahat ng masayang pasko, may christmas tree if possible!)
Check my next post for that!
Thank you for always inspiring me guys! Keep me posted on your list. Would love to be part of your world, ika nga ni Ariel ng Little Mermaid.
Don’t judge if you’re not JLO
This guy own a $3.5m violin and was able to sold out a concert with the cheapest seat at $100.00
So as a little experiment, Washington post conducted an activity. To let Joshua play in the station ( yes, like yung mga nakikita natin na street performers).
This is what happened…
4 minutes: deadma, may isang lumingon but soon stopped watching and went back to where he was hurrying to. Someone also threw a coin, without stopping or watching. Baka may barya lang sya sa bulsa.
6 minutes: someone stopped to listen for a bit. then wala na,
10 minutes: A kid stopped to look but hinila ni mudak. Nagmamadali. Maraming similar na ganap na yung mga bata humihinto yet hinihila ng adults.
45 minutes: He got a total of $32 dollars. 20 gave money and only 6 stopped to listen but quickly continued.
1 hour after: He finished playing. No applause, no standing ovation.
“No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before, Joshua Bell sold-out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100 each to sit and listen to him play the same music.
This is a true story. Joshua Bell, playing incognito in the D.C. Metro Station, was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people’s priorities.”
So fierces, how do we perceive beauty? Do we really know how to appreciate? Or nadadala tayo ng mga ganap. I hope we take this example as a reminder. To keep our soul, heart and mind free of judgement. Like a child. I hope in someway we can preserve that part of our heart na innocent. See how the children stopped and appreciated him? Bakit nila nakita and hindi nakita ng mga adults? Hindi kasi judgmental ang mga bata.
We are all logical people and i think that comes with age, and time. But i hope that with all these we can still remain and appreciate things with our basic senses. Yung mga binigay ni Bro. Like those children. Klazz sila kasi nakita nila ang beauty amidst the kaguluhan sa station.
So back to our lives, sana we can all be like that. I hope that we all try to find the beauty in things amidst the kaguluhan. Sometimes ksi nakakalimut na tayo. Sometimes, natatabunan ang totoo. When we get too sucked up into the grind, we lose a bit of ourselves. Take a time out. Sayang ang opportunity. Malay nyo lahat pala ng kagandahan na pinagdadasal nyo binigay na sa inyo, d nyo lang napansin…
This is a wake-up call for all of us. I promise to try to be more sensitive to my senses. To appreciate beauty wherever, whenever. And lastly, wag maging judgmental- see beauty in it’s purest form.
Ang gulo noh? ng gulo din kasi ng nararamdaman ko. Wake up call levels. So don’t be the man who rushed pass Joshua, or the mother who was pulling her kid. Be the little child who saw the beauty of his music-without the grand stage, the beautiful dolled up audience and the grand presentation.